Why are Neo-Caths so afraid of being called "Neo-Caths"?

Robert Allen (syndicated columnist)

New York (RAP) June 14, 2014 - A storm of protests by Neo-Catholics who consider being called "Neo-Catholics" the moral equivalent of the N-word led Wikipedia editors to suppress their entry on "Neo-Catholicism" today at 23:25 PM EST. The previous attempt at a similar entry was deleted on February 16th of this year.

We managed to track down one of the original contributors to the Wikipedia entry on "Neo-Catholicism," Daniel Ferrara, and one of the opponents of the article who successfully lobbied for its deletion, Chuck Shea, who both consented to be interviewed in a conference call:

Robert Allen: Welcome gentlemen. Are you both online with us now? Yes? Good.

Mr. Shea, if we could start with you, we understand that you've been pushing for some time to have this Wikipedia entry suppressed. Can you tell us why?

Chuck Shea: Abso-frickin'-lutely. Calling someone a "Neo-Cath" or "Neo-Catholic" is like using the N-word or calling a fag a "fag." It's hate speech.

R.A.: Can you explain why you think so?

C.S.: Damn skippy. When these frickin' Rad-Trads call us "Neo-Caths," they're sayin' that we're not r-e-e-e-e-l Catholics like they think they are. Frickin' bigots! They're sayin' we're second class citizens in the Church, or not citizens at all.

R.A.: Mr. Ferrara, maybe you'd like to step in and explain your side of the debate. Do you find it insulting to be called a "Rad-Trad," and why do you call people like Mr. Shea "Neo-Caths"? What exactly do you man when you say that?

Daniel Ferrara: Yes, of course. Well, I'd rather just be called a "Catholic," but since I believe Catholics adhere to Catholic tradition, and should do so radically, I would say that it's a label we are willing to wear with pride.

We came up with the term "Neo-Catholic" to refer to those Catholics, like Mr. Shea, who, sometimes through no fault of their own, think that dancing the Hokey pokey during the rite of peace or jabbering nonsense like Pentecostals in the middle of Mass are things that Pope Pius XII would have been comfortable with.

R.A.: So you ...

C.S.: [Interrupting] Sonofabitch! You foam-at-the-mouth Rad-Trads are so sneering condescending! You are so frikin' stuck in the stale, stone-cold petrified traditions of the past! Don't you realize that Catholic teaching develops? H-e-l-l-o!!! Have you ever heard of Cardinal Newman??? Duhh!! Can you spell "doctrinal d-e-v-e-l-o-p-m-e-n-t"?

R.A.: Let me see if I understand you gentlemen correctly. So Mr. Shea, you maintain that the changes in the Church and liturgy following the Second Vatican Council are natural "developments" of Church teaching and that they don't represent a break with earlier Catholic traditions, is that right?

C.S.: Damn skippy. Now that garbage about the Hokey Pokey is just a smoke screen.

D.F.: What about your so-called "speaking in tongues" by charismatics?

C.S.: The Charismatic Renewal is part of the New Pentecost and Springtime of the New Evangelization following Vatican II, you idiot. Even Pope Francis has shown this by recently speaking at a Charismatic conference in Rome.

R.A.: Let me now move over to you, then Mr. Ferrara. If I understand your position correctly, what you maintain is that many of the changes embraced by those you call "Neo-Catholics" since Vatican II are not natural "developments" of traditional Catholic teaching, properly speaking, but departures from it in various ways, is that right?

D.F.: That's right. So by going along with everything from babbling incoherently and calling it a "charism," to holding hands during the Our Father and kissing and hugging and flashing peace-signs at their neighbours during the rite of peace, and talking to Protestants as though they're just another "denomination" in the Church, they're breaking with Catholic tradition. It's simply Modernism. They reject Pius IX's Syllabus of Errors and accept the new "Counter-Syllabus" of Vatican II. That's why we call them "Neo-Caths." They think they have the "New and improved" version of Catholicism. They think they're "new-and-improved" Catholics. They use a new Mass. Gathering Hymns, anyone?

C.S.: You think you're so clever, don't you, you blithering stuck-in-the-mud Rad-Trad bigot! What a sorry, depressed live you must lead! What's wrong with "gathering hymns" or any of the things you just mentioned? How dare you call us "Neo-Caths," as thought we've broken with Catholic tradition? That's nothing short of pure defamation!

D.F.: If the shoe fits, wear it.

C.S.: I question the authenticity of your faith. If that shoe fits, wear that, buddy!

R.A.: We're just out of time, gentlemen. On behalf of Road Apples Press, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us today. We hope to ...

C.S.: [Interrupting] If I could just get in a closing word with your audience about my website. Go to the "gear" link at the top of the page, and you can buy T-shirts, coffee mugs, buttons, barbecue aprons and all sorts of cool stuff with slogans like: "I'd Rather be Roasting Self-absorbed Promethean Neo-pelagians"! You would be supporting our ministry by doing so. Thanks for your business. God bless!