Vatican hires lay apologist Dave Armstrong to help Pope Francis explain himself

Dave Armstrong may not be a prodigious self-absorbed promethian neo-pelagian (to borrow Pope Francis' expression), but he is most certainly a prodigious writer. Just to browse his website and list of publications is almost dizzying.

One of the gems you will find among his publications is a title called Pope Francis Explained: A Survey of Myths, Legends, and Catholic Defenses in Harmony with Tradition.

This must be the title that caught the eye of Pope Francis (or one of his Vatican associates), when Armstrong was recently contacted by the Vatican for the express (alleged) purpose of helping the Holy Father present himself in public and manage the problem of media spin.

"It's absolutely astonishing," stated an anonymous Vatican spokesperson, "but this American lay apologist seems to understand the mind of Pope Francis better than the Holy Father does himself."

There's no question the See of St. Peter could use a little help these days, since there are so many conflicting media markets to consider, from the readers of L'Osservatore Romano, ZENIT, Our Sunday Visitor, and National Catholic Reporter, to The Advocate (LGBT) and The Huffington Post.

"It's hard keeping everybody happy," stated the Vatican spokesperson. "We need someone who knows the mind of the Holy Father and can bring clarity to our message."

There was some mention of Armstrong teaming up with another American lay apologist, Mark Shea, who has previously been contacted by the Vatican for similar purposes, although it was not immediately clear what sort of collaboration might be involved.